I grew up without having a father. In my younger years, I hated him for doing what he did. Seeing my schoolmates with their Dad, dropping them and picking them up from school, I never experienced that. I never experienced having a Dad by my side. In my younger years, all I heard was all bad stuff about you. I left the Philippines without even seeing you. I wondered whether you loved me or had you thought about me. All those years I felt the anger, I felt abandoned by you, I felt incomplete. In my thoughts, it was always…why dad? why? Do you love me? Do you still remember me? Stuff like that.
Then I have grown, I matured, one day I told my mum that I wanted to see you. Because I felt the need to see you, to let you know that its ok. IM OK. That I had no ill feelings, I had no anger feelings towards you. I just wanted to see you.
Then it happened, at last I finally able to see you. I still remember, it was an awkward feeling but I was happy to see you. I wish at that time that we had some time alone. That I could talk to you more. But it was ok, I was still happy to see you.
You told me something that I won’t forget for the rest of my life. I thanked you for that. So, I came back here in Australia feeling fulfilled.
I told mum that the next time I go and visit Philippines, I would bring my children and see you. I wanted to do that for a very long time, but my circumstances didn’t allow me.
Then I heard the shocked news, …just like that. It brought me pain. I couldn’t help myself but cry. I know that I grew up without you, but it hurts…my heart hurts. Because after all you are my Dad. Even if the world turns upside down…you are still my Dad.
I don’t know what to say now Dad, I feel sad…
Dad..how does it feel now to be with God? Is it nice where you are right now? I hope it is, no more stress, no more hardships. Only happiness and peace. Your talent in singing will be passed down in the next generation to come. You had it, I have it but shy to admit it. Your granddaughter definitely has the talent in singing. I love you Dad. May you rest in peace.
kokonattynoo 